Amy Schumer Jr. went overboard on the daiquiris, and now she stands about as much chance at penetration as Stephen Hawking. There goes her future as 'chubby girl #2" in the popular "Porn I Can't Jack off too" series.
LIFE LESSON #273: If your idea of a good time involves Infinity, Toyota or Fiat, keep your snatch out of retail parking lots. The guy who gave you type 2 genital herpes is temporary. Videos like this one are forever.
a.k.a small penis compensation. It happens when homebois packing less meat than a vegetarian cafe get discouraged by their girl's lack of excitement. Sounding like the immigrant from That 70's Show is optional.
A phat ass can make up for anything: bad skin, pubic lice, the initial stages of Chlamydia. But THIS vagrant? She's got booty meat like Tom Cruise has regressive Aspergers and I don't know where to cram my quarters.
This starts off as a painal video, but like me during a Michael Bay movie, that lasts about 8 secs. From then on, it's all pleasure. And by pleasure I mean buttgasms so intensified, Ellen DeGeneres would pop a boner.
Sorry to all competing camwhores trying to cover this month's Vagisil bill: This chick's stealing all your tokens. The glory days of getting paid without acting like you hooked a car battery to your uterus are fucking over.
My cock might snap itself off and commit ritual suicide if this lasted one minute longer. The English vocabulary lacks proper adjectives to describe it, so I'll give an analogy instead: 10% Justin Bieber, 90% feel the bern.
Easily the greatest moment of this frat bro's life, edited down to a cool two minutes. Might not land a lot of bookmarks but fuck... it's got a story involving cocaine and future syphilis victims. How could I not post it?
Is it really the McGregster? No. But what you should be asking is: If Kaley Cuoco didn't luck out on a show less interesting than emergency bowel surgery, would it be her lips gettin split apart like a grilled cheese sandwich?
I'm all for pushing the limits. But when you need two tickets to fly coach cause you're packing more weight than Tyrion Lannister under your nipples, we officially have a fucking problem. #4 I'm looking in your direction.
The early 00's: An era best defined by bad music, advanced cellphone technology, and the tail end of plot-based porn. Keyword: PLOT. This has one that'd make George Lucas soil his Fruit of the Looms in envy.
Not sure who's to blame here. Her whoreass for wearing that 'Joe Pesci in Home Alone hat', or the director that should've had the foresight to realize her twat would qualify as subsidized section-8 housing after this scene
Experienced sex ninjas block out their surroundings just long enough to concentrate on important things: Like getting railroaded in front of Baby Gap. I vote sequel! One where her diaphragm falls out in the food court.
Have you ever seen a professional cocksmith go from smiling to disgusted so quickly? She's pretty good at hiding it but lemme tell ya... it's all fun and games until you're face-to-gut with a man in his third trimester.