Large Thin Crust: $11.99 Tipping the Driver: $2.00 Upgrade to a meat lovers: That's on the house.
At 1st Im like wow she's naked in Buttfuck Guadalajara. she's totally gonna get the ole chorizo up the cuchara. That worry was totally legit... up until our star got her tits up and and followed rule #22: Know your way out.
Ever wonder how some of these girls gobble up ounces of dick fizz without as much as wincing? SPOILER: They practice, usually followed by motivational speaking. Tony Robbins + slobbing the knob = this woman.
Dumb bitch must have thought she was auditioning for Seabiscuit 2. It's pretty much the only way you'd ever get a semi-attractive girl into the front seat of a Sarah Jessica Parker equine fantasy this questionable HAHA.
Piper Perri: The only pornstar's name I've chosen to remember in the past 10 years. Why? Legally a midget, weighs less than one of Leslie Jones' testicles, and when it comes to lethal-grade penis, she's FEARLESS.
Apparently looking like a Duck Dynasty stunt double turns you into the Merlin of slaying pussy... and today his expertise is all open-source. Practice what you see here and I promise, those hookers will never LOL again.
Always the same thing with these cretins: They time it just right to be mid-chub when an oblivious girl is en route to dump last night's Whattaburger, but Mahatma Gandhi usually isn't the target. Aim higher Jagdish.
I'll forgive the potato-grade video quality. I understand the lack of names to prevent stalking. But cutting off the girl @ 3:39 before they ran to use honey dijon as lubricant? 0 stars you simple-minded, incredulous fuck.
Tara Reid's deli butcher titjob, toilet paper in a Walmart bathroom & discounted Hamburger Helper on Craigslist: All things I'd touch before giving Sarah Plain and Cunty free room & board evr fuckin again after this. #KILLHER
Anyone else get the sudden urge for chimichangas?
Critics are gonna have a barmitzvah with this one, but imma go with faker than Chris Brown's heterosexuality. BUT: nobody got hurt, that discharge wasn't CGI and someone added a cool IMDB credit: Physics Whore #2.
Ya gotta appreciate how her vagina has a stronger security system in place than Hilary Clinton's email server. Most women in this position are two hex bolts away from being mistaken for a drag racing parachute.
Mellow night at home turns into prep-work for an organ donor program when one Mike Tyson fan takes a game of patty cake too fucking far. 5:24 is either erotic, or a prairie dog in a blender. My erection hasn't decided yet.
What's that saying? Once you go black you almost lose your uterus in a domestic fight, get ejected from your tiki hut, and see the business end of a Ginsu knife? Cuz that's exactly what happened here. Shit's fucked yo.
Around 1:12 she drops that gem of a line. Listen lady: If you think struggling to catch your breath while a man plunders your shit basket for blood diamonds is amazing, I need to know how you celebrate Hanukkah.
The borderline down syndrome during the day, token slut at night combo I can tolerate. Hell, I encourage it. But blood flow to my yankee doodle stops when this derp is forced to interact with another human. ugh.